Gotta get a flu shot

We have to get flu shots and caught up on immunizations before the transplant. Those were little things we learned yesterday. Guess we'll be heading to the pediatrician too. Crazy. More doctors visits. At least this one is just up the street.

As time has moved along and we are inching closer to a transplant I find myself sad more often. I can just be sitting opening the mail or reading or whatever and I start to get tears in my eyes. I may see a commercial with a healthy baby rolling around and I wish that was us. I hear someone complain about their kids having an attitude or misbehaving and I think I wish that was my biggest worry. I would trade in a moment. I know this is the life God has planned for me but I definetly struggle with it daily. Why us? This question isn't one that anyone can answer for me. I still think half the time I can't believe this is even happening. I just keep expecting to find out that it was all a mistake and my girl is okay. That they have been testing someone elses blood all this time and Livi is actually pefect. Just a dream I know. James and I have decided to try to say all the things we are thankful for each night before we go to sleep. Believe me this is sometimes much harder than it seems. But it reminds me to be thankful and that I have so much more than I deserve already. Here are a few things I am thankful for....
..James..how hard he works and how much he loves us.
..Alivia..she is precious and funny and the sweetest girl I know
..my parents..they have layed down their lives and been on call whenever we need them. They would say there is no where else they would rather be but it still is amazing to me.
..my friends (ladies you know who you are) they keep me sane. They agree with me when I say this situation is horrible. And they laugh with me and cry with me. Oh and some of them sing karoke with me....love it.
..Marmie..she sends Alivia card every single week. They mean more than you'll ever know.
..all the people who make meals. I can't even begin to explain how much that means. I just can't figure out how to cook anymore. It is such a relief not to have to.
..John, Chris, Will and Jeremy L. You guys make me laugh. You love Alivia (and she loves you too). You spend time with James and I (even though we're old and boring)
..Erin..you have become one of my favorite people. I love when you get home from work. I love hearing about your day and I love how Alivia gets so excited when she hears your voice. Thanks for staying with us.
..anyone who has given toys, writen notes to the nurses or bought a bracelet. These little things show me that people care and are reading what I write and praying for Alivia.
..Cynthia..thanks for coming to the hospital and cleaning. I wasn't good at cleaning before this all started and like cooking its not even a thought anymore.
..everyone who prays for Alivia. We pray constantly cause she's our baby but some of you dont' even know her, or us, and still you take time to pray. Thanks

Thanks my thankful list for right now. Oh and I"m thankful that Alivia took her Gleevac again last night. Even if its not working yet it has the possiblity of working and that gives us some hope.

Gotta run my baby is waking up from her nap.