I am a mom of a cutie pie (very biased). And I wanted to share my experiences with others (including my cuties grandparents, great-grandparents, numerous uncles and other relatives). I love being a mom and can't imagine doing anything else.Painting
Yesterday I went to Hershey to paint the window at the end of the hall. Throughout our time in the hospital I painted that window at least once a month. Sometimes I had help, sometimes I did it alone. Regardless it was an escape for me and just made such a huge difference in the way the hall looked. I went back once in October and decided the other day the hot air balloons just weren't very festive. So yesterday I replaced them with 5 cheery snowmen. I decided to do a more wintery painting than a Christmas one so I dont' have to head up the first week of January. It's strange being there. We lived there for so long. Some of our little friends are still there. THere is a little girl who's name starts with an A in Alivia's room and I almost walked in at one point. Just seemed like second nature. Like I could open that door and be right back with Livi. But she's not there. She's not here either. She's not at my parents or any of the other places she loved. The hardest part about visiting the hospital is leaving. Walking out again without her is nearly impossible. I always cry on the way home. But as long as I can I want to paint the window. It's something Alivia loved and something that makes life there a bit brighter.
I got to see Jackson's parents and grandma while I was there. I saw Jackson but only for a second as he was wheeled back from radiation. That sweet boy is having a rough, rough time of it. Pray for him as desperetly as you prayed for Alivia. I know I am. His transplant is on the 17th and there is a long, hard road ahead of them. They entered the hospital in early March, just days after we went in for transplant, endured the entire treatment for AML (which means 1 month in and a week out for 6 months), were told they were in remission for a few months and then it all came back. So they have been back in again since early November or late October and are looking at another 6-8 weeks for transplant. But there is no other option. This is the only way to cure him. So they are fighting as they always have. I'm so proud of you guys and wish I could be there with you everyday to help carry this burden somehow. I know how hard this is. I know how scary it is and how watching your child suffer ripes your heart to shreds. Know that I am a phone call away. Any time you need me please call me. I will drop anything to be with you. All my love to you and to my Jackson.
Finally I wanted to thank the few people who have still included us on our their Christmas card list. Since I'm not doing cards I didn't expect to still recieve but also didnt' realize how nice it would be to get some. So thanks Smarts, Fideli's, The Mike's and Stoppard's. I really apprecciate it.
posted by Alivia's Momma @ 11:50 AM
26 Comments:
love you and praying
beth
I'm crying right along with ya, kiddo.
Love, Livi's GAL
Dear, Sweet Emily.
How so very kind of you to reach out to others! You constantly amaze me. I will be praying for Jackson and his family.
If possibly, could you post a picture of the snowmen in the window?
Christmas card is headed your way.
God bless you and your family this holiday (holy-day) season.
Still praying.
Mary Ann K.
Again, you bring me to tears as you so eloquently and sincerely share your heart. God bless you Emily, for continuing to give to others in the midst of your own suffering. I'm sure the festive snowmen will bring much joy to all those at Hershey who see them. And I can just picture Alivia saying,"Jesus!! do you see that? Didn't my mommy do a great job! Look at the kids smiling."
it just isn't fair.
I am crying for your pain Emily. My heart breaks for you. What an amazing strong woman you are to go back and paint that mural. What a beautiful selfless act. I agree - Livi is in heaven, looking down and SO proud of her mama for bringing something joyful for those families to see.
I will pray for Jackson and still for you and James every day as I have since I "met" Livi.
Sending you such warm thoughts and hugs,
Vicki Moore
always thinking of you and still praying...I will definitely make sure to pray for Jackson and his family. Miss you and James! Please visit us soon...or we will come there after the holidays!! Praying that you will find much joy this season even though it will be hard. I am still so thankful that you and James have eachother. I know of people that a tragedy like you have experienced has torn a marriage apart. God is definitely still pouring out his grace. I am sure he has still more blessings for you both! I tell people this all the time, but i am so proud of you emily. You still have this blog...you've had it all along. Your strength and honesty provoke me in a HUGE way everytime you share your life here and I'm sure there are so many others that would agree.
praying for you guys
Eboni Freeman
Hi Emily,
I am still praying for you and Jackson and his family too.
I miss you a lot
Erin
I comment almost everyday...but today I just can't seem to find the right words to say. my heart brakes for you. I can't imagine how hard this is. words just can't say how I really feel. How I do so miss your sweet livi. How I wish I could change this for you. How I just wish you and James weren't hurting.How that if I could I would bring your sweet livi back...but since I can't, I will continue to pray for you. Hang on Emily..God will help you.
praying,
moriah
How wonderful that you are doing such a kind thing going to paint that window. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. But the joy it will bring those children makes it all worthwhile, I'm sure.
Don't know what else to say but...you're amazing and I love you!
You are one strong woman, Emily! I can't imagine how hard it is to go back to the hospital; but it sounds like your painting is healing you in some small way. You are always in my prayers...
Love,
Neysa
Emily,
Praying always. Asking the Lord to be with you and James always. Praying that you can still enjoy this holiday with your and James' family. Focus on His birth and why we celebrate Christmas and maybe that will help you redirect your focus and help you not to miss Alivia as badly. I know that is easier said than done but still praying for you all!
A caring prayer partner.
Emily,
I don't even know what to write, but tears roll down my cheeks. You are an amazing woman of God. Through your saddness and tears, you still manage to minister to others. You put so much feeling into your words; I feel like I know you. I would love to have just one day with you. You would teach me so much. I will keep Jackson and his family in my prayers. You are in my prayers daily, Emily. I cannot wait to meet Alivia in heaven...I think she will be the first one I look for! Thank you so much for posting.
Love,
Lisa R.
I am so sorry to hear that Jackson is suffering with this horrible disease again, Emily. My prayers of healing go out to him from this day on. If it meant all the more to God and to his family, I would be there in a heartbeat to pray for him in person. I truly mean that. There is nothing going on this season that is more important to me other than Jesus Himself than your emotional grief and the physical hardship little Jackson is going through. Whatever the Lord's will is in all of this...let it be done. There is no sacrifice to great for such things...I will be praying from afar no matter what.
Love,
Caroline
Emily and James,
I continue to pray each day that your broken hearts will heal knowing little Livi is in a much better place. I can't imagine what this time of year does to an already hurting heart but my prayers will be with you each and every day. And they will be with every other parent out there who has a child that is suffering. I wish they all could be healed.
M.
Emily,
Thank you so much for painting the window for our children. You are right, it really changes the way the hall looks. When we come through the doors it helps to lift our spirits. We all appreciate it so much. I can't imagine the toll it takes on you to walk down that hall. Jed talks about Livi often. He gets very sad but he always perks up and tells me how Livi feels so great now and can play outside. He always has the best view of the sad stuff. So thanks again and know that we think of you all often.
I wish you peace and love,
Kristin, Jed and family
Praying for little Jackson and the family. Can see in my mind how active and playful he was the night in Harrisburg for the Walk. How sad that he is so ill again. Pray that the next treatments will help and that his parents keep up their strengh thrus more hard times. Emily, I am sure you have painted another great picture for the kids. You are a treasure. Marmie
Praying, praying, praying. I know Christmas will be hard - I can't imagine. Sue F.
I haven't posted in a great while, but you and James are still on my heart.
We love you and James, Emily. Don't know how to help at all but we love you and pray for you both. It's so perverse that kids are sick. Aunt Cheryl
I have Livi's picture with the art work, 3 leaves, her uncle made above my desk. I look at her and often think of you and James.
Carol and I are always here and you only to call.
Be well
Mickey
Emily,
I have been out of touch, as we have been traveling and away from our computers so much.
I am glad to read your blog occasionally and catch up on how you are doing.
You are so strong! Going to the hospital was a great thing for you to do. I can't even imagine how hard it was for you.
We will keep you and your family in our prayers as well as Jackson and his family.
Love, Ali
E
I just took a moment out of our reality to peek into yours. It is so funny these little kids of ours. Jackson is still talking about ALIVIA "never Livi" he just told somebody how he would pray to god to bless ALIVIA. Now Alivia is always with him. We love our ladybug! Dishy
Emily,
You do not know me but I feel like I have known you for a while. I go back to this site regularly, just because I feel we have a connection. My daughters name is Alivia, she is six and will be seven in March we also call her LIL, lIVI, LILLY BUG so you can see how this hits close to home, for many reasons. I really do not even know what to say but I feel like I need to say something. I am so sorry for your loss, and I know it is hard to breath and try to go own with your life, I can not begin to imagine. I think you are a wonderful person, I hope, and prey GOD will take your pain away and help you and your husband try to begin to live again, live as livi would want you to. I know we have lost our 21 and 28-year-old sisters in the past 1 1/2. When Ashley (21) was killed in a car wreck we went crazy and felt the same but then a year later, and 2 months ago Kasey (28) was killed in a car wreck as well on the same highway, and she has left her 4 year old daughter Avree here and her husband is in the clear now but he had a 10% chance of even living. God does have a plan and I know it's hard to understand or explain it or not want to be angry or question him but we have to know in our heart of hearts that it's a plan and not just any plan but it has to be a good plan.I will con't to prey for you and your family Keep doing the thing that you loved to do with her and remember she is watching you and she would love to see her mommy happy not sad, she is with our FATHER and she is watching over you guys.He is taking care of her till you get there.
Always keep it in your mind and your heart that even though she is not here with ya'll she is still in GOOD HANDS she is in GOD'S HANDS and she is not sick no more.
Alicia Samples
Villa Rica, GA
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