Who's the cutest girl around?

I am a mom of a cutie pie (very biased). And I wanted to share my experiences with others (including my cuties grandparents, great-grandparents, numerous uncles and other relatives). I love being a mom and can't imagine doing anything else.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Still no diagnosis

So now we know that news can also be a bad thing. We don't have an absolute diagnosis but now we have ruled out the two most common kinds (ALL and AML) and they are leaning towards the hardest kind. Some words that were said during the meeting with the doctor included never seen before in a child, chronic, wonder drug, chemo, no chemo, in the hospital for 6 months, home soon, intense and incurable. I completely don't know what to think.

I am scared, confused, numb, sick to my stomach, lost, terrified and drained. It feels like our best options have been eliminated and the only thing left is really scary. We are so desperate for a miracle. I am crying out constantly for her to be spared and I am at the end of my rope. Pray hard.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emily, James, and Alivia. I just wanted you guys to know that you are constantly in my thoughts. When I got Alivia's picture in the mail from you a week or so ago I put her on my fridge immediately. Her smile is so pretty! Every time I see that picture and every moment in between I am thinking of you guys and hoping for the very best. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you out. I love you guys.

Your Cousin Sarah

12:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't even sleep after our conversation. It literally took me five minutes to muster the words to tell Jeff what you told me. How are you doing this??? I guess it is God's complete and total grace. I am praying for you. I am praying for Livi. I am praying for a miracle.
I don't even know what I can do or say. I really want to get up there to see you, but Aks has pink eye...what if I am carrying it??? Would it matter if I just came to see you??? Let me know if you can. I would just hate to get anybody sick. But, I feel a million miles away here.
You are amazing.
Love, Les

12:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i've been thinking about you all day. i love your blog. I just wanted you to know that I am laying face down on my bedroom floor begging God for a miracle. Don't give up, I'm not. I'm not sure where, but I know that somewhere in the Bible it says "the wonders of God cannot be fathomed..." That is a sentence that I will repeat everytime I pray for Alivia. Love, Leslie M.

12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emily, James and Alivia, You are in my prayers. Your blog is a wonderful way to give regular updates to everyone, I have been checking it throughout the day. Thank you for doing this.

Remember we have a big God, and you have so many people going before the Throne of Grace to ask our Savior for a miracle. Our hope is not in what the doctors say. Our hope is in the One who has no limits, the One who can do anything, the One who spoke and the world come into being. Nothing is too difficult for Him. Trust His timing and His faithfulness. He will be your comfort and strength. Please know you are not alone. The Lord is with you and so is His army of saints.

Praying for you, Vicki Gold

1:03 AM  
Blogger Nora said...

We just got home and I checked your blog to see the update. I almost called you today but didn't want to bother you. I love you and am praying hard for you. There are no words I can express to tell you how much I am hurting with you and that Travis and I are seeking God on your behalf on our knees for you. Please let us know if we can do anything for you all.
Love Nora & Travis

1:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A wise person once turned me on to this scripture, and i've found its promise to be of great comfort (especially when in a tight spot),

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

I love you guys and am praying for a great miracle.

Love, Andrew

2:00 AM  
Blogger All the Millens said...

EMILY, LOOK! Here is God speaking! Andrew posted the same words that I was recommending from Beside Still Waters (pg139)in my last comment just hours before he did. Read them, hold them, own them! With love and prayers, Katherine

3:41 AM  
Blogger TheBueches said...

Hey Emily and James, Loretta and I are praying for you all as well. Think of the love and concern you are feeling for Alivia. Take away the fear aspect, and you have a peek into God's heart for you.

7:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please know that we are praying for you and Alivia. You are not alone.

Melissa Stoltzfus

7:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember that God will provide the Grace you need for today. His mercies are new every morning and available to you throughout your day. Psalm 23 reminds us that even when we walk through tough times God is with us, there to comfort and guide us.
Miracles are for today,

Stephen Smith

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emily, We are praying at West Point for Alivia! I check your blog a few times a day. Thanks for the updates. Emily, you are handling this like a champ! We are proud of you and James! Kelly and I prayed Psalm 91 yesterday on the phone together putting Alivia's name all through it. "For He shall give His angels charge over Alivia, to keep her in all her ways...I will be with Alivia in trouble; I will deliver Alivia, and honor Alivia.. With long life will I satisfy Alivia, and show Alivia my salvation." We are praying for you and James too. Keep your chin up. We have a God who hears us when we pray!

Aunt Cheryl in NY

7:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am so saddened to here of what's happening with Alivia. All the emotions you described. It's heart breaking being in the place where you are. I feel like I can identify a little bit. When we had Rico it was so hard for me. I'm a fixer like you are. I couldn't fix Rico. I could only submit to the fact that God is in control and he is a good God who knows what we need. God knows what is best for Alivia and you and James. I know that he is watching over Alivia. Everything that is happening to her every needle prick, every test done to her God is by her side. I know his angels are standing guard over her as well as you and James. I know His grace is covering you and will continue to cover you. And I know His eyes are constantly on you. And I know he here's your prayers. You are in a good place. One of total dependence on Jesus your Savior. I pray that you will stay in that place and totally lean on God for all your strength and needs. I am so very glad you have him as your Savior through this time. We are praying for little Alivia. As well as you and James and your families. 2 Thessalonians 2:16
16Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, 17comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word.

In God we trust
Carol M.

8:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know we talked about praying last night...these verses has been on my heart for a few days...
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit HIMSELF INTERCEDES FOR US with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts know what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit INTERCEDES for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8:26-27
The Holy Spirit himself is interceding for you at this very moment. Take comfort in that.
Love you,


8:05 AM  
Anonymous Beth said...

Emily, My heart is broken for you and your sweet Alivia. We've all been crying and praying along with you. I can't relate completely, but I did have a trial when Norah was 5 weeks old. On a "hunch" (and a 104 degree fever) we did a spinal tap and to my surprise, was positive for meningitus. It would be 48 hours to determine if it was viral or bacterial. It was the longest two days of my life. Tommy was out of town. I wept out to the Lord! I cried to Him, how thankful I was to Him to give my a precious baby for 5 weeks!!! And if He took her to be with Him, I praised Him for loving her and loving me and not changing how great He is. That was a very hard place to be, just at His feet, acknowledging who He was and that he doesn't change. Once I surrendered her, my heart changed, but my mind did not. I wanted my baby to be healthy and fine again. It was viral, and two days later we were home, praise God!

The mommy's heart is undescribable when it comes to loving her child. I know you'd lay down your life for Alivia. I love you so much, and all of Morgantown is praying for you. One of my dearest friends moved to Hershey last year b/c her husband is doing a residency in anesthesiology - Dale Santrock. There's a prayer group for the docs, and your daughter is on the list. Please let me know of what help I can be to you.

Love, Beth & all the Chases

8:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emily and James,
Just read over the blog and got an update on Alivia's health. I don't have any of my own words to comfort you, but I know God's word is always comforting! Stay in His word and stand firmly on His promises. This is the only thing that will sustain us in the mundane everyday things, so I'm sure that during a time like this that is exaggerated so much more!!! We are praying hard!!!
God Bless and may you feel His comfort and peace,
The Freeman Family

8:34 AM  

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