I am a mom of a cutie pie (very biased). And I wanted to share my experiences with others (including my cuties grandparents, great-grandparents, numerous uncles and other relatives). I love being a mom and can't imagine doing anything else.From Rachel K.
Beautiful Alivia – this is not something I ever expected to write – not something that once crossed my mind.
I remember when you were a baby - sitting in your back yard on a blanket as your mom & I priced funny clothes for a yard sale. You played and rolled around and we made faces at you and did silly things to make you smile. It was fun to watch you eat and play because every move was so dainty and thoughtful. When Steph’s crazy puppy Stella came to visit, you watched with fascination as the dog scrambled through the house. You didn’t like messy things, but you sure did want to touch the puppy. You loved your kitchen set and making Pa and Da become your servants for endless meals. You were born to delegate and your sweet nature made everyone comply.
Usually one of a child’s first words is Mama. Not for you though. We knew you could say it, but you deliberately wouldn’t. When you wanted your mom’s attention you had an unspoken look or a certain kind of cry to let her know you needed her. You reserved a special language for her and I think you were just like your mom, iron-willed with a complex personality. In other moments, you were strong and quiet, like your dad.
As we stood at your tiny casket and felt the finality of it all, I was ever more grateful that your family graciously allowed me to be a part of those miraculous first moments.
I’m not going to lie and say that I feel it is a blessing that you died. You deserved to fully experience all that a loving family and a big wide world has to offer. Your mom was so diligent and your dad worked so hard to bring you home. You fought so hard and I’m so proud of you. It’s a bigger plan than we can comprehend so just know that we miss you. It is a blessing that you no longer suffer and you are in a better place. I am angry and sad that you had to endure that struggle, but I hope you will somehow know how much your life has impacted so many.
I’m leaving you with this letter that I wrote to you awhile ago and hoped you would open on your 10th Birthday. I hope you don’t mind that I share it. It reminds me of a happy time – a day that started off with a dance party.
Happy Birthday my darling Alivia! It’s hard to believe you’re 10 now! 10 is a great age to be. You are old enough for responsibility but you can still have lots of fun. What’s harder to believe is that as I write this letter, you haven’t even turned 1 yet! It’s September 10, 2005 and tomorrow is your church dedication. I’m on my way to Lancaster this afternoon!
I just wanted to leave you a special note to let you know how much you are loved. I was lucky enough to watch you come into the world – and it was amazing! Before you were even in your mom’s belly, your parents loved you – wondering what your personality would be like and what you would look like. I wondered too, especially when your mom was as big as a house Knowing your parents, you probably have brothers and sisters by now. I am the oldest too, so I know that you will help your mom & dad a lot and love your brothers and sisters even when they make you mad.
I hope you will always use your brain and your heart. Be happy with who you are and remember whose you are!
I’ll be there for your dedication and I can’t wait to know you when you’re 10. I’ll be there all along the way.
Love you,
Rachel
posted by Alivia's Momma @ 10:29 AM
12 Comments:
Tear flowed from my eyes as I read that. Reading those post just make me realize how much I miss livi and how I love her. It is so sad to know all that she went through, but it is also happy to know she feels no more pain. Emily and James, you are the most phenomenal parents I have ever known. You love(d) that livi with all your heart, and everyone that knows you I'm sure would agree with me. I wish I had more to say that might make it a little better, but since we know I can't, I just want you to know that I am praying for you, and I hope that the Lord will help you get through all the difficult days ahead.
love ya,
Moriah
I miss you sweet livi.
That was so touching, so beautiful. Thank you so much, Emily, for sharing these tributes with so many of us who never knew Livi personally, but love her as if we did. You and your family are a true representation of what it means to let Christ shine thorugh you.
God bless you all.
Heather in Monkton, MD
Rach,
Beautiful sentiments. Love ya! You're such a great friend. And a great Auntie to precious little girls and puppies alike!!
Steph
Wow! Rach that was absolutely beautiful. My sister was telling me about your tribute and it was more than I can say. You are a wonderful person, inside and out. I am so lucky to have you as a friend and Livi was definitely lucky to have you in her life. You are the best. Love ya!
Heather L. (Pittsburgh)
Dear Rachel,
Your well chosen words capture the thoughts and sentiments of so many. Your wisdom for a 10-year-old would make good advice to many of us who are a lot older (and who could have used an "Aunt Rachel" much sooner) as well. This cannot have been easy to write, but thank you for sharing your special perspective. Thank you, Emily, too, for letting us read these loving tributes. We are blessed.
Cathy S.
Sitting her sobbing. Reading Rachel's letter to Livi as a 10 yr. old is again a reminder that she is gone and won't have that 10th birthday. How wrong that feels and is on some level. Like others have said, though, and you and I know in our head but have a most difficult if not impossible time trying to convince our hearts of right now is that somehow God is still good in all of this. I do still believe this even though I can't see it. One day we will see clearly what we only now see in part. Until then, I do weep with you.
Thank you for so generously sharing these tributes/letters with us. You could chose to keep them private, but they help us know and remember Livi and also continue to mourn with you and James and your families.
love you so much, friend.
Rachel, that is my favorite picture. I love your post, it is you through and through. I am so glad we got to love livi together! Love, Gigi
Missing Livi, missing seeing you James and Emily. Praying that the prayers of many are starting to give you a peace. A peace only God could give you in this time.
wow, that picture of alivia is so so so dear. i like reading these tributes, emily. it's great to hear all of the stories & thoughts of livi. xoxo
Such a sweet picture! Thank you for sharing, Rachel! Still thinking of you all constantly and hoping, hoping, hoping that the days are possibly getting easier, yet knowing they probably aren't. I think of you all contantly.
Christi
Haven't stopped reading and praying for you guys! I loved Rachel's tribute to Alivia. I can picture the dance party at age 10 and all the kids who would have been there. I think Jude would have asked Livi to dance with him. :)
We miss you guys! Hope you always know that we're here if you need us.
Love,
The Garner Fam
man this was a hard one to read. thanks emily and james, (and rachel for this post) for putting up these tributes. its doesnt make it any easier but its a really great way to remember sweet Livi : ) i pray to God every day for you guys and thank Him as well for letting me be influenced by her and u guys. just so know, because of livi and her story i am now going to school to be a nurse for little kids like livi. i want to be able to help kids like her and families like urs and just know that ur willingness to share has helped me to really find where God is calling me in my life. i'm only 19 but i can really feel that this is what God wants me to do and i thankyou so much for sharing with us about livi. thanks emily and james, u guys are amazing.
rachael from pittsburgh
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