Who's the cutest girl around?

I am a mom of a cutie pie (very biased). And I wanted to share my experiences with others (including my cuties grandparents, great-grandparents, numerous uncles and other relatives). I love being a mom and can't imagine doing anything else.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

December 19th

Today I turn 30.
I am more than ready for my 20's to be over. I am ready to start a new year.
I'm trying to be thankful today.

I'm thankful for my husband who loves me at my worst,
my parents who will do anything for me
my brothers (real and in-law) who can always make me laugh
my family who constantly showers me with love
my friends who have stood by me and let me lean hard on them
my Alivia who gave me more than I could ever imagine.

Thursday, December 13, 2007


Yesterday I went to Hershey to paint the window at the end of the hall. Throughout our time in the hospital I painted that window at least once a month. Sometimes I had help, sometimes I did it alone. Regardless it was an escape for me and just made such a huge difference in the way the hall looked. I went back once in October and decided the other day the hot air balloons just weren't very festive. So yesterday I replaced them with 5 cheery snowmen. I decided to do a more wintery painting than a Christmas one so I dont' have to head up the first week of January. It's strange being there. We lived there for so long. Some of our little friends are still there. THere is a little girl who's name starts with an A in Alivia's room and I almost walked in at one point. Just seemed like second nature. Like I could open that door and be right back with Livi. But she's not there. She's not here either. She's not at my parents or any of the other places she loved. The hardest part about visiting the hospital is leaving. Walking out again without her is nearly impossible. I always cry on the way home. But as long as I can I want to paint the window. It's something Alivia loved and something that makes life there a bit brighter.

I got to see Jackson's parents and grandma while I was there. I saw Jackson but only for a second as he was wheeled back from radiation. That sweet boy is having a rough, rough time of it. Pray for him as desperetly as you prayed for Alivia. I know I am. His transplant is on the 17th and there is a long, hard road ahead of them. They entered the hospital in early March, just days after we went in for transplant, endured the entire treatment for AML (which means 1 month in and a week out for 6 months), were told they were in remission for a few months and then it all came back. So they have been back in again since early November or late October and are looking at another 6-8 weeks for transplant. But there is no other option. This is the only way to cure him. So they are fighting as they always have. I'm so proud of you guys and wish I could be there with you everyday to help carry this burden somehow. I know how hard this is. I know how scary it is and how watching your child suffer ripes your heart to shreds. Know that I am a phone call away. Any time you need me please call me. I will drop anything to be with you. All my love to you and to my Jackson.

Finally I wanted to thank the few people who have still included us on our their Christmas card list. Since I'm not doing cards I didn't expect to still recieve but also didnt' realize how nice it would be to get some. So thanks Smarts, Fideli's, The Mike's and Stoppard's. I really apprecciate it.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Locations of visitors to this page

I've always wondered who reads this,
how many people read this,
where they are,
do they know me,
is this just something they stumbled across
I'm not sure this will even work because I'm so computer illiterate but if it does at least I'll get a peak at where people are reading.

Monday, December 03, 2007


THis season so far has been even harder than I thought it would be. I love Christmas and always got into it in a big way. I was always wanting to put the decorations up really early and leave them up for way too long. I baked dozens of cookies (at least 5 different kinds) and last year I sent out over 80 Christmas cards. I loved the shopping and the wrapping of gifts. Alivia was inheriting my love of Christmas. She would take an ornament off the tree, hold it up to me as if to say "look at how amazing this is" and then gentle place it back where it belonged. She loved to cook. She would sit on the counter with the bowl between her little legs and stir like crazy. Flour would fly and she would laugh. She loved singing and dancing and we would listen to Christmas carols together. She loved to sit by my big container of ribbon and "help" unravel it all while I wrapped. She loved unwrapping and was hilarious when she did it. And last year she discovered that she loved snow.

There will be no Christmas in our house this year. No tree, no carols, no cookies, no cards. Without Livi here it just doesn't seem worth it.