I've got a case of the Mondays

Today was a rough day. It started earlier than usual and I was awoken not the the sound of a babbling happy baby but to a very unhappy, crying girl. And the crying didn't stop all morning. She didn't eat well and everything was upsetting. She would finally stop for a few seconds and I would move an inch from where we had been and it would all start again. Instead of turning to God, I ran head long into all the worst thoughts. Increased crankiness is a sign the doctor is always looking for so my thoughts were of all the horrible things this crankiness ment. Then I noticed what I thought was an infections and had to call our pediatrician. Thankfully he was able to ask a bunch of questions over the phone and calm my fears (and as the day progressed I realized I had over reacted and it was nothing). Everytime Livi cried I joined in. I have tried desperatly not to cry in front of her. I don't want her to be scared by my tears, but today I couldn't seem to cope. Needless to say our house was a bit of a mess. About 11:15 she was screaming once again and wanting to eat but then freaking out when any food was in her mouth and I started to wonder if she had mouth sore (another sign) so as she was screaming I layed her back and looked in her mouth and spotted the problem....TEETH!!! She is getting her I-teeth and is was so painful that she was miserable. So we had a very normal mommy moment. Here I am convincing myself that these are all signs of worsening leukemia and instead it is something every single mom encounters. So after some tylenol and ora-gel I had my girl back. She was her happy self once again. She ate a great lunch (since she had all but skipped breakfast) and was so wiped from all the crying that she feel asleep in her high chair. I put her to bed only to have her wake up miserable a half hour later. She was completely soaked. Over the last few weeks we have had great success with figuring out how to get her not to sweat so much at bedtime and naps. Most it involved fans a the right angles and sleeping in diapers only. Yet again I read into the sweating and started to cry...until I realized the fan wasnt at the right angle and I had put her to bed with her shirt on. I got everything right and she slept for a few more hours.

Where is my trust today...obviously in my own perceptions (which have all been wrong) and the words of the doctor not in God. I just let go of all the truth I know and ran to myself. What a mess. What a wasted day. And yet there were little blessings all around. My friend Leslie called at just the right moment and listened to me cry. My friends Ang and April both offered sweet words. We got dinner (which I forgot was coming!) and my lovely husband took Alivia for a nice long walk so I could have some time alone. Then this evening we got to see our friends Jeff and Leslie (she's everywhere today!!) and it was so nice to be normal (crazy) people for a bit. Here I am wallowing and yet God is blessing me anyway. Oh I don't deserve it.

Thanks for today
The Buntings for a great dinner...when chicken alfredo is done right (and boy can it be done wrong)...but when it is right...oh do I love it. I must get the recipe so when I start to cook again I can wow my husband (who also loves it). Perfect choice.

Thank you notes from...
The Buntings, Jeremy Landis, (Uncle) William and (Uncle) Chris Haughery, Carol Schloemer, and Rachel Kennedy

Here is the tally for thank you notes.
Janiece- 17
Holly- 22
Lois- 19
Chris- 17
Cindy- 18
Carol- 19
Joanne- 19
Maritza- 17
Denise- 19